Another trip around the track?

It’s what feels like a thousand degree’s outside, the breezes come in short stingy breaths, and you are standing in a line that seems a mile long with 200 strangers.  Working your way through the maze like herded cattle you finally are within eye sight of the prize, the payoff to all the sweat and uncomfortable closeness.  There it is a breeze from the roller coaster as it rushes into the station, full of wind blown people half with a look of terror and half with a look of glee.  You work your way to the final cattle gate (you choose the front to see all the action).  Strap yourself in and hold on for dear life.  A sudden jolt and you are out of the station, a slow gentle meander to the first big hill. Click, Click, Click, Click as the cars climb up the hill, the anticipation growing with each progressive click, the clicking stops as you crest the hill, the bottom seems behind you as you throw your hands in the air and plummet to the bottom of the hill, your stomach leaps out, you loose your breath, and you feel like you are about to fly out of the safety devices that you checked a thousand times before.  There is a brief lull at the bottom then right back up the next hill you feel so alive and so close to death at the same time.

Heather and I got on this roller coaster of fostering  two years ago.  We had the long line of being certified then the anticipation as we climbed the hill wondering when we would get to the crest of our first placement and now we are rushing at ungodly speeds being jarred and jolted exhilarated and frightened at the same time through two years of placements, paperwork, trials, and triumphs.  The training we received really prepared us in no way for what we were getting into.  They teach you about the proper restraint of a child, the how to’s of med logs, CPR, etc but they do not prepare you for the emotional roller coaster you waited in line for. 

After our second placement Rylan left we had no idea what to do we had no support no understanding of how to handle the loss.  It was like someone kidnapped our child and everyone knew it but didn’t care.  “Sir we know your child is missing but that’s ok that is the way it is supposed to be, just deal with it!”.  While we were happy he was with family it still didn’t replace the hole left in our family and in our hearts.  Why don’t they prepare you for this or at least help you through it?  I don’t know to be honest.  Perhaps they think no one would be foster parents if they knew the heart ache before them.

This roller coaster has given us intense joy and intense pain.  As the coaster pulls into the station once again in a couple weeks to let another passenger off we have to decided do we want to strap ourselves back in for another trip around the track.