Sometimes Sorry is not enough

What does sorry really mean?  Sorry that I ____.  You can fill in the blank.  Do we have to accept sorry and does it make everything better?

That is the problem, often we think that apologizing and saying we are sorry fixes everything but it doesn't sometimes there are wounds created that are not patched with I'm sorry.  Just because you accept the apology does not make things instantly better.  I learned this years ago in my marriage.  Sometimes you have to get away and let things heal.  If you are in it everyday then things will never get better because you can not get over the past to start the future.  Once trust is broken it is not automatically returned on an "I'm sorry" or "I have changed".  This takes two very mature people to get past.  It takes the offender knowing that I'm sorry is not forgiveness and it will take a long time to get to where you want to be.  You can say you have changed but it takes time to prove you have changed by your actions.  You are judged at each decision, at each comment.  You are compared to the old you until you regain that trust.

We talked about this yesterday in our life group.  There is a couple who is going through hard times and are separated at the moment.  I have no idea what went on between them but now the husband is wanting to start all over fresh and new because he feels he has changed in their time apart.  She is not ready for that because she is still deeply hurt and is not going to blindly give trust back over a few words.  It is a process of healing and he is going to have to prove he has changed which is going to get old with someone who is not committed.  He has to realize that he has deeply hurt people and it is not as easy as I am sorry, that when he speaks the first reaction is going to be you are lying to get what you want. His intentions are going to be questioned constantly.  For a guy who is trying to change it will be hard to overcome.  It will take a commitment and a wisdom to repair what has been done.  I hope that they can make it through this tough time and that in the end they can have a stronger better marriage for this experience.